do you ever feel like you made a bad decision? right now is the first time i've thought this about dropping out. and it's because of the reception i've had at home. it's like they don't even care. jake is the only one that's made me feel welcome again. and that's the fucked up part. jake is supposed to be the asshole. it's been different for a while but it still freaks the shit out of me. my friends have been great, for the most part. i've had two people give me shit for it and tell me that mom shouldn't've let me move back in. i'm so sick of this crying thing. i feel like such a weak person because i cry about so much now. and it feels like no one in this fucking house understands how sad i am and how god damn easy it is to make me feel like crying. why do mondays suck so bad all the time? i'm growing to despise the people that i call family. and it just pushes me to hang out with my friends that much more. it kills me that no one really understands. they have an idea, but they don't know. mom doesn't know that i cried pretty much everyday at IU. and for some reason i thought it would be better here. i just have more people here and mom can see the pain she causes. i think i'm done being nice. to anyone. no one deserves it from what i've seen. so that's just a heads up, if i'm an asshole to you, you deserve it. or i'm just working on being a hard person again. cause being a pussy just doesn't fit me too well.
how i'm feeling now: sad
sounds in my head: "some kind of monster"=metallica or "love me or hate me"=lady sovereign